Fear of Failure

[turd ferguson]

A quote of Dgrants from the See Jane Run thread has been sticking in my head

I don't mean this as a rant whatsoever, but sometimes I wonder if we (men and women) get caught up in the idea that we must always be winners. That is, if we set a specific performance goal we run the risk of not achieving it and feeling like a loser. So we set goals of just having fun so that we can feel like winners 100% of the time.

I'm not saying that running purely for participatory fun is wrong at all. For many it's a genuine and legitimate goal. But for some (myself included sometimes) it seems to be a goal driven by fear of failure .

Does fear of failure hold you back? Do you strive for less than you might be capable of because you're afraid of failing?

My own perspective - I picked up a quote a long time ago along the lines of "if you hit your target all the time, your target is either too close or too large".

In my everyday life we have to set business targets and this is our philosophy as well. If we hit our targets every month there's a perception that we're not being aggressive enough but are playing it safe to ensure we don't fail. Hitting my targets 12 months out of 12 is perceived as WORSE than hitting them 8 out of 12.

In running life, I fail as often as I succeed at hitting my time goals. I don't treat this as failure, I treat it as evidence that my goals are challenging but attainable. And I've made a conscious decision that when I miss a goal I won't take it personally (i.e. leave my ego in the parking lot).

Thoughts?

[Midge]

not sure if my situation is a fear of failure or a fear of disappointment

it relates solely to running marathons

i have been bitterly disappointed in marathon results and after so much training, so much time and effort committed to one day - i have a real hard time with the notion that "today was not my day" i feel somewhat cheated and i really question if the effort is worth it - for this reason I have not run a marathon since 2005 (Having run five between 2003 and 2005)

i followed all my training regimes very closely and worked really hard to improve strength and speed, yet not only did i not improve i got steadily slower - a large part of this is my mental approach, i beleive i need to get mentally tougher, but until i know how to do this or even convince myself that i want to do this, i will carry on running halfs, 10ks and just for the love of it

[klc]

Midge, get out of my head already! I could have written your response.

It is fear of failure - of not meeting my goals despite the training - that keeps me from racing. I can follow a training plan for the running part no problem, but my mental game needs the most work.

[Jo-Jo]

not sure if my situation is a fear of failure or a fear of disappointment

That kind of sums it up for me. I've had a disappointing race season this year. Had a good race in April, a lousy one if May that would have been a DNF except some dear Maniacs would not allow it...chose not to race in July and August. And was just on the verge of telling Mike I didn't want to race this fall when he informed me I was. Mike rarely puts his foot down but I think he realized that I was sliding down the slippery slope of not racing for fear of failure or disappointment.

So I am going to try and take mike_runs' advice of "leaving my ego in the parking lot" and get back out there on the race road for a couple HalfM's this fall...feeling nervous...but as I believe Michael Jordan said: "I have failed many times...and that's why I succeed"....or something to that effect.

[La]

Failure is a judgment we place on the results we produce relative to our expectations.

Everyone is differently motivated. I used to be very goal-oriented, but then I realized that so much of whether or not I achieved my goal was not entirely within my control.

I work in a large corporation, so I have been fed the whole "SMART" goal thing. And I can see where it has its applications in a results-oriented environment like this. But do I really want to put that kind of stress on myself in my personal life? Dunno.

I certainly don't want to cheat myself out of performing at my best, but I don't necessarily think that the time on the clock when I cross the finish line is the only measure of my success on the day. Even less relevant (to me) is my placing in my age group as that is entirely dependant on who showed up that day.

[turd ferguson]

Michael Jordan's quote:

I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is precisely why I succeed.

[Stella]

I think we have to fail once in awhile, otherwise how do we learn? I constantly set goals for myself, and there are some who see me has competitive (heck ya), but that's what I love about running.

Goals must be realistic and specific to your own abilities, but they should indeed challenge you - if they don't, then I question the point in setting them.

[La]

Edison had a similar quote about his 25,000 failed attempts at the electric light bulb (I'm paraphrasing): I did not fail 25,000 times; I learned 25,000 ways not to make a lightbulb.

[klc]

Michael Jordan's quote:

I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is precisely why I succeed.

I have this framed poster.

[DougG]

It has been shown that fear is the biggest roadblock people have on the road to success. However it is as much fear of success as fear of failure. Too many of us don't think we are worthy of success (whatever we define as success). In sports its often seen as choking, but it happens in all areas of life. Fear of failure, is of course, more common and understood.
I believe what Dave says to a point. For some (many) of us, running is enjoyable, it gives us a release from our lives, and is a vehicle to good health. Just as many of us play other sports like golf, soccer, hockey, etc., just for the fun of it, many here run just for the fun of it and for good health.
I admire those who are passionate about their running, and who train for success and PB's. However, for others, our lives are hectic enough that we do not have the time, energy or desire to train to "succeed" in this particular sport. We run because it's fun.
This is not a knock against, or a criticism of, the fun runners or the more serious, merely an observation.

[Agent Provocateur]

I fail at things all the time. It makes me stronger. I don't have a problem with it. That doesn't mean that I don't get pi**ed when I fail, but I always try to learn from it.

[Kelodie]

I work in a large corporation, so I have been fed the whole "SMART" goal thing. And I can see where it has its applications in a results-oriented environment like this. But do I really want to put that kind of stress on myself in my personal life? Dunno.

This is exactly how I feel. A lot of things in my life are stressful, and I don't feel like being stressed out (too much) about what I do in my spare time.

About failure: I had a moment just before my first triathlon that failure happens when you don't face your fears and settle down for what's comfortable. If you show up and you tried your best, then you didn't fail. This is my new definition of failure.

Failure is inaction.

[Jo-Jo]

I work in a large corporation, so I have been fed the whole "SMART" goal thing. And I can see where it has its applications in a results-oriented environment like this. But do I really want to put that kind of stress on myself in my personal life? Dunno.

This is exactly how I feel. A lot of things in my life are stressful, and I don't feel like being stressed out (too much) about what I do in my spare time.

About failure: I had a moment just before my first triathlon that failure happens when you don't face your fears and settle down for what's comfortable. If you show up and you tried your best, then you didn't fail. This is my new definition of failure.

Failure is inaction.

Kelodie...I love that insight...BTW...the quote you posted a couple weeks ago from Bob Proctor's site...I have taped to my computer monitor

[klc]

I work in a large corporation, so I have been fed the whole "SMART" goal thing. And I can see where it has its applications in a results-oriented environment like this. But do I really want to put that kind of stress on myself in my personal life? Dunno.

This is exactly how I feel. A lot of things in my life are stressful, and I don't feel like being stressed out (too much) about what I do in my spare time.

About failure: I had a moment just before my first triathlon that failure happens when you don't face your fears and settle down for what's comfortable. If you show up and you tried your best, then you didn't fail. This is my new definition of failure.

Failure is inaction.

That's such a great attitude, Claudie! I wonder if there is time to change my mind-set completley.

[ultraslacker]

I've never been of the disposition to fear failure too much--being far too confident in my own abilities. lol

of course, that all changes in the week prior to a major event...lol.

[Midge]

i can accept the disappointment of a bad day during a half marathon or a 10km, because simply put i can try again in the not too distant future

but if i train for a 42.2 km run and have a bad day, the prospect of going through it all again, with little or no gaurantee of improvement is hard to deal with. I have tinkered with the idea of just running the marathons, no watch - just running to finish (upright and smiling as Mr Stanton says) but apart of me sees this as a failure, a sort of cop out

i just need to try again i suppose

[Tri_K]

Someone here once said, "Failure is a belief not a reality" I remember it because it's on the whiteboard in my cubicle. The fear of failure doesn't stop me from racing, but it has stopped me from inviting people to watch me race. My first half ironman I barely invited anyone because I was so scared of asking people to come out and then I DNF. Once I was racing, I regretted that decision and wished I had invited people.

So this time, I'm asking LOTS of people to come to Ironman Canada. Hopefully I don't let them down and DNF, but it's worth the risk to get to share the glory with them after I cross the finish line.

[FishPants]

I don't know if it's fear of failure, but I know I do not set lofty goals, as I doubt my own ability to reach them.

I have done one half M, and my time was 3:19, which I think is terrible. I would like to train for a do another one. I only hope i am not too hard on myself if my time is over 3 hours.

[ultraslacker]

I have done one half M, and my time was 3:19, which I think is terrible. I would like to train for a do another one. I only hope i am not too hard on myself if my time is over 3 hours.

oh but FP you have come SO far since then... think about how many gains you've made. I've no doubts that you'll pleasantly surprise yourself when you try again. ;)

[dwayne_runs_far]

In regards to racing, I often set a hard, but potentially reachable goal for myself. I'm also quite analytical about my efforts and try to have as much info to analyze after the event as possible.

Sometimes it is immediately apparent what went wrong. For example at this past spring's Blackfoot 100k I wanted to break 11 hours. I missed by 5 minutes, but I know I spent 8 minutes of agony in an outhouse, not to mention the 10 or so minutes prior to that of barely walking. By having Natalie keep track of my food/fluid supplies I knew what caused the upset gut. I failed to reach the goal, but I know with near 100% certainty why.

Another example was a recent half. I have all my mile splits, I can see where my pace faltered, but I have no idea why I slowed at those particular points but was able to pick it up again; there is nothing that I tracked that day that can explain it (no hills, water stations, etc). I missed my goal by about two minutes, but then I realized that the goal was probably too aggressive given the training I'd been doing.

I don't think I was driven by fear of failure in any of my races. I don't see missing a goal as failure unless I gave up in the race. Even though dictionary.com defines failure as "nonperformance of something due, required, or expected" I only really see failure in my results if I know that I didn't do what I could, either in the race or in training.

And maybe this is just choosing the nuances of the words, but I don't see failing to meet a goal as a failure; if that makes any sense whatsoever.

In the end, I fear that drives me is represented by the sedentary lifestyle and associated health problems of previous generations of men in my family. Its the fear of buying a size 40 pant again and having to fill a insulin prescription that gets me going on the days I'd rather stay in bed. That is the failure I'm most afraid of.

Dwayne

[Midge]

In the end, I fear that drives me is represented by the sedentary lifestyle and associated health problems of previous generations of men in my family. Its the fear of buying a size 40 pant again and having to fill a insulin prescription that gets me going on the days I'd rather stay in bed. That is the failure I'm most afraid of.

Dwayne

great perspective Dwayne - thanks

[turd ferguson]

Interesting insight Dwayne.

I only chose the title because it was alliterative and not because I meant anything by the words - I was really trying to speak to what Dave raised which was about (to paraphrase) running for fun in a race because of a fear of not hitting your time goal. I didn't mean to equate missing a time goal with failure at all. Bad choice of words on my part.

[jgore]

As most of you know, I have been running for the pleasure of running for a couple of years now, and not racing. There were a couple of reasons for this: running is a stress-reliever for me, whereas training for a race and actually running it are stress-inducers; at the end of the last half-marathon I ran I was disoriented and ill and don't wish to go through that again. Mind you, I must admit that fear of failure has played a part. I battled depression for about 6 years and the added downer of not achieving what I thought I should in my running was not helping. Running was all that kept me out of hospital twice: I didn't want it to be something that helped put me in.

Now, I'm feeling better than I have in years. Yeah, my job and financial situations suck right now, but that will turn around. I'm actually thinking of doing a race next month just to see how things go. Training is actually - dare I say it? - appealing. A goal is something I can handle again, whether or not I reach it.

I was in very bad shape for a while and allowing others to talk me into doing something for which I wasn't ready could have made the situation worse. I guess what I'm trying to say is that fear of failure is not good if it is all that is holding you back from striving to achieve something, but one should examine the reasons behind that fear before deciding it is an entirely negative thing.

[Size5]

Does fear of failure hold you back? Do you strive for less than you might be capable of because you're afraid of failing?

Sometimes fear of failure does hold me back..... oddly enough it was this summer that it happened. In june I wanted to run a half marathon for a goal time (race is in Sept). I didn't really get my act together, I didn't train properly. The race is next weekend. Although I'll go, i know that I am not in shape to reach that goal at all. I'm even worried about being able to break 2:00! Did my fear of failure hold me back? Maybe. I also was less than enthusiastic about doing speed work after a long hard training program for my 100km. I had already had to do speed work for the 100km and the thought of doing MORE of it was a real turn off. Funny enough this lead to a real visicious cycle of me doubting myself and thinking it was the fear of failure that kept me from doing the training.

Usually I find it is my fear of failure that keeps my training on track. 80kms, 100kms, those are stupid enough distances to scare the living out of me and make me train on schedule.

So back to the half marathon, I'm trying in my head, to reconclie that I will not run a PB and just go out and run for "fun". I've not excelled at this.... Maybe I'm just hardwired too much to be an A type person....

S5

[JSmitty]

It's funny that we are talking about this right now as I am so worried about failing. It brings me to a point where I feel sick to my stomach.

On race day, I feel the same as Midge....I cannot accept that its just a bad day after the hours devoted to training. Yes, some days I feel better than others but there is a margin of error for those days, (particularly true, I think for slower runners who have such a broad base for improvement). Besides, I usually have two pace bands on the day.

Yet, in a group setting for training, I do accept that I am slower than the rest and run my own time as I do in a race, but a race is different. You've trained so hard and it's a let down and very character building and you are pis**d at yourself.
I agree though, it would not be any fun if it came easy, then it would never be a personal challenge, and I would lack motivation and wouldn't feel as triumphant if the goal is reached.