Let's talk about conflict resolution (#2 ;)

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Let's talk about conflict resolution (#2 ;)

Postby ultraslacker » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:33 pm

(this was originally posted in another thread, but upon the suggestion of some of the respondents, I am copying it here)

klewlis wrote:1) if someone does or says something that bothers/offends/hurts you, you have several options:
a - get offended and hold a grudge for the next year
b - gossip about it to everyone and make them hold a grudge for a year
c - lash out at that person publicly or privately
d - lash out at someone else
e - ask a mod to deal with it
f - pm me and expect me to deal with it, then get upset if I don't
g - "leave" RM (I put "leave" in quotes because almost everyone comes back)
h - let it slide, without holding a grudge
i - talk to the person privately and express your concerns honestly but respectfully, and deal with it between yourselves.

Guess which option I think is the best? And no, it's NOT f. h is second best, but i is ideal. ;)

2) if you do attempt to address your concerns privately with the person and they are unreceptive and/or rude, you have several options:
- all the same as the above OR
- bring it to a moderator

I ONLY want you to bring it to a mod or admin if it affects RM as a community. Your individual squabbles are not our business and I don't care to make them our business. You guys would not believe the pm's I get on a regular basis: "so and so is mad at me", "so and so did this", not to mention personal information that I don't want or need to know. Sometimes I feel like I'm babysitting a bunch of teenagers. But we are all adults here, are we not?

3) if you have a question/problem/issue with something that I or Jen or one of the mods says or does, talk to us about it. I can't emphasize that enough. We have all witnessed what happens to a forum when the admin refuses to address problems or admit they might be wrong. It's not healthy and it's not the way we want RM to be. I'd much rather have someone say, "hey Holly, that was a dumb move" and deal with the issue rather than have people upset, gossiping, etc. If you bring your concern to us we can either explain why we did what we did, or we can make changes.

4) there are times when it becomes appropriate to deal with an issue publicly. These times include cases where someone is behaving in a way that is detrimental to the community, and when attempts at private resolution have failed. These cases are VERY rare at RM--in fact I think there has only been one time in our history where I have publicly called someone out and demanded an immediate response. That person ended up leaving RM; and that is the only case where I thought that her leaving RM was the best solution for all of us. Most of the time if I do feel the need to pm someone and ask them to tone it down or edit their post, they are willing and understanding.

As I said in another thread, this is a HUGE group of people and we can expect personality conflicts and other conflicts to arise. It would REALLY make me happy and less stressed if everyone could try to deal with things in an adult manner.

So, my request--before reacting or responding to something that bothers you, ask yourself some questions:
- was it directed at me?
- is it REALLY a big issue, or can I let it slide?
- am I upset about something else and this is just a trigger?
- do I have lower tolerance for this person for an unrelated reason?
- are they just looking for a reaction? (in which case, ignoring is best)
- what is the best way to come to a peaceful, mature resolution?
- what do I want this person to do in order to make it better?
- if I'm going to involve the admin, what do I want them to do to make it better?
- what can I do to help build this person and the community up so that we have a more positive atmosphere?


and um... I think that's all I have to say about that. I should mention, though, that some reading this may think that my post was brought about by one particular issue or person. It's not. It's the culmination of a bunch of stuff that has been going on over the past few months. Honest. :)


oh, and just ONE more thing, that I always tell the kids at work: you can't control other people's behaviour; you can only control how you respond to it.


thanks for letting me rant (as usual ;)
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Postby Madame Bourette » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:38 pm

I can't wait to read "Let's talk about conflict resolution (#3)"
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Postby ultraslacker » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:39 pm

Iron Terrible wrote:I can't wait to read "Let's talk about conflict resolution (#3)"


well #2 was the same as #1, so I doubt 3 will be very exciting... unless I think of something new to say... lol.
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Postby seuss » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:40 pm

klewlis wrote:
Iron Terrible wrote:I can't wait to read "Let's talk about conflict resolution (#3)"


well #2 was the same as #1, so I doubt 3 will be very exciting... unless I think of something new to say... lol.


maybe Andy could put together a collection of conflict resolution appropriate emoticons that can't be misconstrued?
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Postby Doonst » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:43 pm

klewlis wrote:
Iron Terrible wrote:I can't wait to read "Let's talk about conflict resolution (#3)"


well #2 was the same as #1, so I doubt 3 will be very exciting... unless I think of something new to say... lol.


This thread has been hopelessly hijacked. Can we split it off please mods?
next up:


This broken wing will fly again
One fine day
This blackbird's mute gonna sing again
One fine day

So all you sinners come out
And all you drunkards crawl out
Come into the light of one fine day

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Postby Madame Bourette » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:44 pm

Holly, could you edit your post. I think there should be a

j - Get yourself drunk
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Postby klc » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:47 pm

Holly,

Have all of those a-i things really happened or are you just making up suggested ways of dealing with things?

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Postby turd ferguson » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:47 pm

k - burn their house down and frame a moderator for the crime
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Postby Madame Bourette » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:48 pm

Doonst wrote:
klewlis wrote:
Iron Terrible wrote:I can't wait to read "Let's talk about conflict resolution (#3)"


well #2 was the same as #1, so I doubt 3 will be very exciting... unless I think of something new to say... lol.


This thread has been hopelessly hijacked. Can we split it off please mods?


Seriously, I like the split. Hijack is a serious issue here. Look at the Paul "Speedy" Gonsalves thread. Even after a split, it's getting hijacked again.

http://www.runningmania.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20110&start=25

Maybe after a few times, people will think twice before posting off-topic.
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Postby ultraslacker » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:50 pm

Just1 wrote:Holly,

Have all of those a-i things really happened or are you just making up suggested ways of dealing with things?


Interesting question! I had to go re-read it to make sure. Yes, I believe all of those things have happened.
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Postby Doonst » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:50 pm

Iron Terrible wrote:
Doonst wrote:
klewlis wrote:
Iron Terrible wrote:I can't wait to read "Let's talk about conflict resolution (#3)"


well #2 was the same as #1, so I doubt 3 will be very exciting... unless I think of something new to say... lol.


This thread has been hopelessly hijacked. Can we split it off please mods?


Seriously, I like the split. Hijack is a serious issue here. Look at the Paul "Speedy" Gonsalves thread. Even after a split, it's getting hijacked again.

http://www.runningmania.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20110&start=25

Maybe after a few times, people will think twice before posting off-topic.


Now I am mad at you for one year. For being serious.
next up:


This broken wing will fly again
One fine day
This blackbird's mute gonna sing again
One fine day

So all you sinners come out
And all you drunkards crawl out
Come into the light of one fine day

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Postby klc » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:53 pm

klewlis wrote:
Just1 wrote:Holly,

Have all of those a-i things really happened or are you just making up suggested ways of dealing with things?


Interesting question! I had to go re-read it to make sure. Yes, I believe all of those things have happened.


That's incredible! I guess we really have no idea what happens "behind the scenes" and just how much you put up with.

Thanks Holly.

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Postby Madame Bourette » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:31 pm

Doonst wrote:Now I am mad at you for one year. For being serious.


Pardon mononcle. :wink:
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Postby Irongirl » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:33 pm

Iron Terrible wrote:
Doonst wrote:Now I am mad at you for one year. For being serious.


Pardon mononcle. :wink:


tee hee - Doonst is going to be like: "mononcle"? Is he trying to say monocle? huh?! ;)

ET - I didn't think that Speedy's thread got re-hijacked.....in what way do you think it did?
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Postby Madame Bourette » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:39 pm

I would say the three posts following this one are hijacking. But maybe I am just too strict in my definition of hijack. Please posters, don't take it personally or don't be offended.

HCiD wrote:
babysteps wrote:Thanks (I was actually trying to make a funny but that's really good info to have . What's "BB"? :oops: )

Welcome!


Umm, BB is Bicycle Boy, you know Trish's guy :lol: :wink:

or, if you are referring to part of the bike, then BB refers to "bottom bracket" where the cranksets are located ... :oops: :oops: :wink:
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Postby HCcD » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:59 pm

Iron Terrible wrote:I would say the three posts following this one are hijacking. But maybe I am just too strict in my definition of hijack. Please posters, don't take it personally or don't be offended.

HCiD wrote:
babysteps wrote:Thanks (I was actually trying to make a funny but that's really good info to have . What's "BB"? :oops: )

Welcome!


Umm, BB is Bicycle Boy, you know Trish's guy :lol: :wink:

or, if you are referring to part of the bike, then BB refers to "bottom bracket" where the cranksets are located ... :oops: :oops: :wink:


Personally, I don't think it is any different than the posts even in this thread, as it pertains to a bit of humour in these posts ... Afterall, it is what RM has been about for the past 2 years .. and, easy nature of everyone .....
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Postby bnn » Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:17 pm

HCiD wrote:
Iron Terrible wrote:I would say the three posts following this one are hijacking. But maybe I am just too strict in my definition of hijack. Please posters, don't take it personally or don't be offended.

HCiD wrote:
babysteps wrote:Thanks (I was actually trying to make a funny but that's really good info to have . What's "BB"? :oops: )

Welcome!


Umm, BB is Bicycle Boy, you know Trish's guy :lol: :wink:

or, if you are referring to part of the bike, then BB refers to "bottom bracket" where the cranksets are located ... :oops: :oops: :wink:


Personally, I don't think it is any different than the posts even in this thread, as it pertains to a bit of humour in these posts ... Afterall, it is what RM has been about for the past 2 years .. and, easy nature of everyone .....


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Postby La » Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:26 am

Well, since the thread about conflict resolution has been hijacked into a thread about hijacking, I'll continue on the theme (unless Holly wants to split/move it :wink: )...

I think there are different kinds of hijacks:

There are those where people [cough]Midge[cough] insert humourous comments in the middle of a thread, but in essence don't cause any harm or foul because the discussion continues back on topic. These really aren't a big deal.

The other type of hijack is where someone asks a somewhat off-topic question (usually for clarification) and again, things seem to get back on track with the original question. These aren't a big deal, either.

The problematic ones are where one poster goes off on a tangent on a related (or unrelated) issue and the thread takes a completely different turn from the original post. It's very frustrating for the original poster (since his/her question doesn't get answered) but can also be seen as rude or disrespectful to the original poster (even though it wasn't intended to be). Typically, these are the only threads that we'll split off into another thread.

Nobody wants to be a kill-joy by putting a stop to all humourous interjections (I quite enjoy them), but sometimes things do take a more permanent turn (such as Speedy's Full Disclosure thread) and it makes sense to split/move them. I think it's especially important when the original thread is by a new member who may not be familiar with some people's [cough]drghfx[cough] sense of humour. Unfortunately, the humour or original intent of the hijack is lost when that thread is split/moved.
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Postby drghfx » Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:53 am

Lä wrote:Well, since the thread about conflict resolution has been hijacked into a thread about hijacking, I'll continue on the theme (unless Holly wants to split/move it :wink: )...

I think there are different kinds of hijacks:

There are those where people [cough]Midge[cough] insert humourous comments in the middle of a thread, but in essence don't cause any harm or foul because the discussion continues back on topic. These really aren't a big deal.

The other type of hijack is where someone asks a somewhat off-topic question (usually for clarification) and again, things seem to get back on track with the original question. These aren't a big deal, either.

The problematic ones are where one poster goes off on a tangent on a related (or unrelated) issue and the thread takes a completely different turn from the original post. It's very frustrating for the original poster (since his/her question doesn't get answered) but can also be seen as rude or disrespectful to the original poster (even though it wasn't intended to be). Typically, these are the only threads that we'll split off into another thread.

Nobody wants to be a kill-joy by putting a stop to all humourous interjections (I quite enjoy them), but sometimes things do take a more permanent turn (such as Speedy's Full Disclosure thread) and it makes sense to split/move them. I think it's especially important when the original thread is by a new member who may not be familiar with some people's [cough]drghfx[cough] sense of humour. Unfortunately, the humour or original intent of the hijack is lost when that thread is split/moved.


You should really do something about that cough.

I don't like to hijack other's threads. In the case of Speedy's Full Disclosure, it wasn't a question that was asked, it was a statement. I felt that he made his point, and there really wasn't anything to be hijacked after that. (ETA - I can see where, being a new member, he might think I was mocking his disclosure, which I obviously wasn't. I shall endeavour to be more careful with new member's postings in future.) I did make it a point not to hijack his Member Profile posting.

I think most newcomers have probably lurked for a while and know that there probably are very few threads here that don't get hijacked within a page or two. It's the nature of the beast. Now, I'm going to do J and hope that my boss doesn't catch me!
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Postby BaldGuy » Fri Aug 17, 2007 8:50 am

What about soup? Is it still okay to like soup?
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Postby La » Fri Aug 17, 2007 8:59 am

drghfx wrote:You should really do something about that cough.

I don't like to hijack other's threads. In the case of Speedy's Full Disclosure, it wasn't a question that was asked, it was a statement. I felt that he made his point, and there really wasn't anything to be hijacked after that. (ETA - I can see where, being a new member, he might think I was mocking his disclosure, which I obviously wasn't. I shall endeavour to be more careful with new member's postings in future.) I did make it a point not to hijack his Member Profile posting.

I think most newcomers have probably lurked for a while and know that there probably are very few threads here that don't get hijacked within a page or two. It's the nature of the beast. Now, I'm going to do J and hope that my boss doesn't catch me!

That was my little attempt at humour - I wasn't trying to point fingers. I love your sense of humour, Dennis. And Midge's. And others'. What I'm suggesting is that if a thread does take a turn in a different direction that the person (or persons) who contributed to the hijack don't take offence if a mod splits it and moves it.
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Postby drghfx » Fri Aug 17, 2007 9:24 am

Lä wrote:
drghfx wrote:You should really do something about that cough.

I don't like to hijack other's threads. In the case of Speedy's Full Disclosure, it wasn't a question that was asked, it was a statement. I felt that he made his point, and there really wasn't anything to be hijacked after that. (ETA - I can see where, being a new member, he might think I was mocking his disclosure, which I obviously wasn't. I shall endeavour to be more careful with new member's postings in future.) I did make it a point not to hijack his Member Profile posting.

I think most newcomers have probably lurked for a while and know that there probably are very few threads here that don't get hijacked within a page or two. It's the nature of the beast. Now, I'm going to do J and hope that my boss doesn't catch me!

That was my little attempt at humour - I wasn't trying to point fingers. I love your sense of humour, Dennis. And Midge's. And others'. What I'm suggesting is that if a thread does take a turn in a different direction that the person (or persons) who contributed to the hijack don't take offence if a mod splits it and moves it.


Ha Ha! I didn't think you were pointing fingers. I knew what you were getting at and understood the humour points. :lol:
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Postby Doonst » Fri Aug 17, 2007 9:27 am

Lä wrote:
drghfx wrote:You should really do something about that cough.

I don't like to hijack other's threads. In the case of Speedy's Full Disclosure, it wasn't a question that was asked, it was a statement. I felt that he made his point, and there really wasn't anything to be hijacked after that. (ETA - I can see where, being a new member, he might think I was mocking his disclosure, which I obviously wasn't. I shall endeavour to be more careful with new member's postings in future.) I did make it a point not to hijack his Member Profile posting.

I think most newcomers have probably lurked for a while and know that there probably are very few threads here that don't get hijacked within a page or two. It's the nature of the beast. Now, I'm going to do J and hope that my boss doesn't catch me!

That was my little attempt at humour - I wasn't trying to point fingers. I love your sense of humour, Dennis. And Midge's. And others'. What I'm suggesting is that if a thread does take a turn in a different direction that the person (or persons) who contributed to the hijack don't take offence if a mod splits it and moves it.


He said "I don't know man, ah she kinda funny, you know"
I said "I know,
everybody funny,
now you funny too"
next up:


This broken wing will fly again
One fine day
This blackbird's mute gonna sing again
One fine day

So all you sinners come out
And all you drunkards crawl out
Come into the light of one fine day

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Postby La » Fri Aug 17, 2007 9:27 am

OK. Good to know we're "good." :wink:
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Postby drghfx » Fri Aug 17, 2007 9:29 am

Lä wrote:OK. Good to know we're "good." :wink:


We are. :D
"A true conservationist is a man who knows that the world is not given by his fathers but borrowed from his children." - John James Audubon

"The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast!" - author unknown


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