Crisis of running faith

[abhainn]

This isn't a continuation of the lack of motivation I had last month. I am very happy to say that I managed to get in 5 days of workouts last week and I feel really great about it. Hit the bike 3 days (Saturday was 1hr 20min on the trails), 1 run and 1 rollerblade.

But this morning headed out with my mom to the park to do a 1/2 lap in my blades and then finish with a run and was barely was able to finish a half lap running. I couldn't catch my breath for the life of me and I just kept thinking that this running thing should be a little, teensy tiny bit easier after 3 years and it's so very much not. And then the real runners showed up and that just made me feel worse. I didn't want to be running by them or have them running around me while I huffed and puffed and sounded like a freight train coming through. I just felt like a complete and total failure. I know I'm not naturally inclined to be athletic but I would at least like to not feel or look like a complete loser while trying.

Now I feel as though I just want to give up running entirely and switch to rollerblading and bike. Wheels seem to be easier for me (not to say that rollerblading is easy, my shins get very sore and tired out). Riding can be a major pain in the ass having to drive to get to a place to ride that won't take out my tires or give me a concussion with the jostling (north end streets are like Beirut) but I enjoy it, and am loving trail riding.

I'm really not sure what to do but I think I just needed to vent a little and while right now I don't feel very good about my running I still want to do it deep down, so I guess on Wednesday we'll head out again and see how it goes. Thanks for listening.

I'm just kind of having a sad moment right now.

[babysteps]

Andrea,

You know there are many of us here who have been right where you are now. I''ve thought about giving it up MANY times, but I'm always happy that I've stuck with it in the end. Maybe that isn't true for you, maybe it is.

Your run sounds like it might have been tough as it came after another workout. I bet if you'd just gone out for a run it would have been better.

It's just plain unfair that some people can do the running thing without the same amount of effort that we need. But we can't do anything about that. Maybe I need to put in more effort, and maybe that sucks, but I can only control what I do. If they are born luckier (wrt running) then that's just the way the cookie crumbles! Plus, maybe those other runners you saw are in some hard core training and doing 5 times your mileage. You never know!

Take a deep breath. You like running. You just had a bad experience. It sucks but it happens.

Set the bar where you know you can reach it, not where you think you "should" be able to be. "Should"s are moral statements, and I don't know if/when running became a morality thing. Maybe you expected to be running easier now. Then maybe you can change your expectations so they fit better. When you can easily reach that bar, then move the bar a little higher. It's your bar, not theirs.

Hugs

C.

[Darth Tater]

It's OK to vent, and I'll gladly listen to you.

It was 100% humidity out there this morning - makes it harder to breathe and affects your effort (even though the temps are relatively cool).

As someone who was heavier and out of shape once, I do understand the feeling like I don't belong out there. You know what I think now when I see ANYONE running/biking/being active? Fat or thin, gifted or not, I think it's great they are out there trying to improve themselves and their health.

[Kelodie]

Oh, I've been there too Andrea.

In my case, there keeps being injuries that force me to start over again all the time. I can't help but think that running is not for me, since it hurts my body so much! But it also helps my mind so much that I can't just give it up.

Right now, I can only run 30-60 seconds at a time and I'm all red and out of breath. I sure don't look very good to the by-watchers when I run... Some of them probably think I'm going to have a heart attack or something. What I do is concentrate on my breathing and my footsteps and not look at other people. This way I don't think they think I'm a big fat out of shape girl faking to be a runner. If I give in to that kind of thoughts, I know I will lose all the mental benefits I get from running so I do my best to stop the thoughts.

All this babbling to say that you're not alone. I know how you feel.

[klc]

After yesterday's pathetic race performance, I am having a similar crisis of running faith this morning, but I have been at it for 25 years with no real signs of improvement! I just don't seem to have the mental that I need to run in the uncomfortable range that will see improvements.

Tossed my training plan in the trash this morning so we'll see what the coming weeks bring.

[a-slow-5]

Andrea, find peace in knowing you're not alone!

[seuss]

well i could have written this post many many times.

i guess it depends a bit on whether you have a big attachment to being a "runner" or whether it is "just" important to be fit and active - which blading and cycling accomplish.

but don't judge it all on a single day's performance. sounds like it is a pretty tough day for running out there today.

why not put running on the shelf for the summer and do those other things? take a bit of a break and then pick something to train for in the fall.

i hear you on it not getting any easier. i keep thinking that someday i am due a breakthrough. but honestly, my life doesn't allow me to put more into running than i do and i can't feel guilty about that. it's only one part of my life, and not a huge part of my identity. it is however a large part of my social network so i hang in there for those benefits.

whatever you do, enjoy it.

[toobusy]

I am just sending a hug.

[J-D]

(((Hugs)))

You're not alone... We all have good days and bad days. The posts above have "pearls of wisdom" for ya.

[redhead]

Andrea - I'm sad that you're sad.

But you know, and I know, (and many others know), running is tough. Some days are MUCH tougher than others, and it has nothing to do with our speed (or lack thereof). Some of the hardest days are when we are struggling and doing our best, but end up being slower than ever. It can be very frustrating.

Hang in there. There is NOTHING wrong with biking and blading and walking, or any other activities. Run if/when you want. No guilt, no shame.

It's summer-time. Have some fun dammit!!!

[abhainn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0XhQlvNx-c

[babysteps]

[toobusy]

Aint that the truth....

[abhainn]

Thanks for the replies and words of encouragement, and the hugs . I know that today, while not necessarily an anomoly (sp?), was worse than normal (but not by much ).

I don't know if it was humidity (I never felt it) or because of the 11minutes on the roller blades before hand, or the lack of music to get my brain off the huffing and puffing like a pregnant walrus, or maybe it was just a bad day? I'll just have to see how things go on Wednesday. It just killed me that not 2 months ago I was running farther and not having such a problem. It was by no means a lot easier I just didn't feel like a fish out of the water. Could I have really lost all that fitness? With my genetic make-up it is entirely possible. So I may be looking at semi-starting from scratch

I have considered hanging up my sneakers for the summer but then I think about what happens when winter comes back and can't bike or roller blade outside and I ain't running in -20 weather in the dark so it's back to the TM. And it would be back to the TM totally starting over which would really suck. Also I think I want to train for next years MB1/2 and need to have a relatively okay base under me before starting that.

It is helpful to know that I'm not alone in this, but it would be more so if you all moved here to be with me in person

[gnu]

Hugs!!

[abhainn]

Did 3k on the TM last night. I hate that it's so much easier than running outside at what feels like a much faster pace.

[Samantha]

I hate that it's so much easier than running outside at what feels like a much faster pace.

eep. I don't think I'm ever running outside again.

[ultraslacker]

running outside IS harder than running on the treadmill. But it will make you stronger. And definitely, the humidity makes it worse!

[abhainn]

running outside IS harder than running on the treadmill. But it will make you stronger. And definitely, the humidity makes it worse!

I know. I just sucks.

[Trailer]

Go Andrea Go -

All of your efforts are going in the right direction.

Sometimes it just seems like there is no improvement. Keep at it and the day will come when you can feel your improvements. Look for the small things - it may be recovery time, easier effort, or simply forgetting that you are running for a moment - but it will come - and you will be grinning from ear to ear. It may be small - but you will know. Just remember to share it with us...

[ceileigh]

I heart what you are saying! My runs of late have been ... well... challenging too. I have yet to sign up for a fall half and think I MUST do it soon or I will just give up till fall / winter ... again!

One thing I have found that helps though. I watched a show once where someone was working to lose weight. They did an assessment because the person found it hard to run. The assessor discovered that everything the person did was just fine. The problem was that she tightened her throat when she ran. This gave her body a perception that it was hard to breath and she was not getting enough oxygen. It was not true but it was what her body perceived. Her recommendation was to focus on a relaxed throat and breathing and any time she found this happening to take a walk break, relax, and start again. I have focused on this myself at times when it is especially hard to run early in to a run and found it does help to relax my throat and remember I truly am getting lots of air in.

Not sure if this is any issue at all for you but thought I would pass it along.

I loved the youtube link and the one listed with it - men vs. women - was truly inspiring (and funny!)

[abhainn]

A few things I learned this morning:

1) having a sprained thumb that prevents me from riding and forces a run instead SUCKS!!!

2) I think rollerblading (I can never remember if it's supposed to be rollar or roller) does help with running strength. Pretty sure I had my first ever sub 9min/k and mostly ran the whole thing with stops only at intersections for cars. Unfortunately it only lasted as long as the first one and went downhill from there

3) a weight watchers bagel with reduced sugar grape jelly is not enough to get me through a 5k run. 3.50k was pushing it

4) having chronic patellar tendonitis and chronic quadracepts tendonosis in the same leg SUCKS!!!! And makes any kind of ascents and decents even suckier (and yes there are a few on my 5k route)

5) I really want a dog to run with. Either that or find good headphones that either aren't the size of flying saucers or fit in my ears without falling out or having to be adjusted every few minutes and don't cost enough to buy a compact car.

[Jwolf]

5) I really want a dog to run with. Either that or find good headphones that either aren't the size of flying saucers or fit in my ears without falling out or having to be adjusted every few minutes and don't cost enough to buy a compact car.

You can get pretty cheap ones at Superstore that have different sized silicone plugs. They fit the same as the more $$ ones but they don't have as deep of the bass range. I don't really care, though, because I'd rather have $10 headphones than $40 that break!

[Samantha]

5) I really want a dog to run with. Either that or find good headphones that either aren't the size of flying saucers or fit in my ears without falling out or having to be adjusted every few minutes and don't cost enough to buy a compact car.

You can get pretty cheap ones at Superstore that have different sized silicone plugs. They fit the same as the more $$ ones but they don't have as deep of the bass range. I don't really care, though, because I'd rather have $10 headphones than $40 that break!

I got mine at Best Buy for $10 - different sized plugs.

[abhainn]

5) I really want a dog to run with. Either that or find good headphones that either aren't the size of flying saucers or fit in my ears without falling out or having to be adjusted every few minutes and don't cost enough to buy a compact car.

You can get pretty cheap ones at Superstore that have different sized silicone plugs. They fit the same as the more $$ ones but they don't have as deep of the bass range. I don't really care, though, because I'd rather have $10 headphones than $40 that break!

I got mine at Best Buy for $10 - different sized plugs.

Nope, those kind fall out, especially from my right ear.