Learning to Walk Again at the Army Run 5K

[Kelodie]

(…)
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return

(…)
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger
Little conqueror

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Now!
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind
Set me free again
You keep alive a moment at a time
(…)
The first to find another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm waiting for a sign
(…)
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever, whatever

- "Walk" by the Foo Fighters

Life was good for me in 2007. This was the year I turned 30 and I achieved many of my athletic and personal goals that year. Then, life happened and a series of bad lucks from 2008 to 2010 found me physically broken, facing a year of many DNS in 2008. Between April 2008 and February 2009, I broke a rib and a toe, I bruised 2 more ribs, my cheekbone and my tailbone, I partially tore my psoas, I badly bruised my tailbone. In 2009, I got bronchitis and later on, a nasty bacterial infection in my stomach while in Mexico. I took two ambulance rides, I suffered through mild PTSD following a bike accident and had digestive issues so intense following my stomach infection that I dropped 25lbs. On top of that, I changed jobs to work at my dream job, which got cut not too long ago. I dealt with deep emotional issues that made life hell for me on a few occasions. Life was testing me!

Life was offering me an opportunity to grow.

I worked hard to heal physically and emotionally. I was able to race in 2010, but every race I did sucked because I had an unwanted companion, which I nicknamed The Mental. The Mental was by my side every time I attempted to push my limits, both in sports and in my personal life. The Mental is my worst critic: it tells me I’m not good enough, sometimes using mean words like “you suck”. I’ve been fighting The Mental for a long time, but it’s always there with me to ruin my fun.

I did not race much in 2011, but at the three races I did, The Mental showed up and tried to take charge. I did not let it – I was stronger than it was at the end of the day but it did make life miserable for me for a part of my races. This year, I increased my swimming endurance, I rode my first 50K and then 60K and I found my running mojo again. I faced what was in my heart, dealing with the negative and celebrating the positive.

On Friday, someone advised that I find a ritual to do on my birthday to mark the beginning of a new year, full of promises. I decided this would happen while I was running the 5K at the Army Run. My plan was simple: to plan the race and race the plan. I’m working my way through Learn to Run again and I’m now up to 5-minutes running intervals. I decided that I would race doing 3:1s, which would be a challenge, but a manageable effort.

The day was perfect: it was sunny and cool – it didn’t get warmer than 10 degrees during the race. I started off with everyone else, taking in the positive energy at the start line. I ran my first 3-minutes interval and decided to wear my headphones and listen to some music since I knew this was to be a spiritual race and music speaks to my soul in a way nothing else does. I ended up listening to Foo Fighters’ song Walk on repeat the whole race. I just love this song: it felt like it had been written for me to listen on this very important day.

I felt like I was learning to walk and talk again – I’m learning to walk in my own shoes, to live my life for myself. I’m also learning to talk in a way that allows for meaningful connection with the world. I’m full of resolve to work through some difficult emotional issues and the song reminded me of my power to change my ways and take control over my life. What better way to work through issues than to work through them while running?

Before getting to the 2K mark, I got a runner’s high. I was thinking how great it was to be running on this beautiful day, to live in a country where we can run freely and for leisure rather than to get away from someone who means us harm. I was getting all chocked up and I came this close to losing it right then when I saw two amputee soldiers walking with their family members. I felt like I owed it to them to live the best life I can live, to contribute everything I have to contribute to this world. I had complete faith in me, for the first time in a long time, if ever.

And I just kept on running, 3 minutes at a time. The Mental tried to get some airtime in my head, and instead of fighting it, I simply replaced it with positive self-talk about how I was doing great and to just keep going. I ignored the annoying Mental and it left me alone. It tried to make me take a walk break before the finish line, but I refused and I ran for almost 4 minutes until I crossed the finish line.

I’m elated… I now know what a little faith in oneself can do. I’ve dropped a lot of emotional baggage on the course at Army Run and I feel so much stronger for that. What a great way to start my 35th year on this Earth! Thank you to all my friends for the birthday wishes – I felt loved today, both by the people around me and by myself. This is the best feeling of all, one that I haven’t felt often in my life.

Chip time: 38:46 (not a PB, but by far, my best executed race EVER)

[HCcD]

Congratulations, on taking back control of your life and, celebrating it with 16,000+ other runners and thousands of others along the course, Claudie ....

Looking forward to following your journey ... and, thank you for sharing your thoughts in your race report ...

[PinkLady]

Oh wow, your race report gave me goosebumps. What an amazing, amazing comeback you achieved yesterday. Our worst enemies are often ourselves, and so, so tough to beat.

Congratulations on your victory, your new you, and the best birthday present ever!

[PaleSnail]

Awesome song

Awesome story

Awesome race

[RA.]

It's nice to read the happiness in that report, Claudie! Congrats on the start to a great new year, and a good race!

[purdy65]

Claudie,

Wonderful report!

Yesterday was a great day in so many ways.

Happy Birthday! (belated)

[scrumhalfgirl]

isn't it amazing how healing a single run can be?

congratulations and happy birthday!!!!

[MikeM]

Awesome song

Awesome story

Awesome race

Beat me to exactly what I was going to say!

[Robinandamelia]

What an awesome post. Very inspirational. Congratulations!

[Irongirl]

ah, Claudie - you have me in tears!

I'm so happy for you!

I overheard you talking a bit about your race yesterday, but, I was so distracted that I didn't get a chance to talk to you. A BIG Happy Birthday to you, and, a HUGE congratulations!

You're an inspiration to many!

[n_fraser]

This was a great and inspiring report. It sounds like running has helped you take charge of your life. Many many healthy runs to you in the future!

[Miss*Smiles]

Claudie,
Tes mots m'ont fait pleurer une peu - la joie et la confience en soi que tu as démontrer pour la course d'Armée font preuve de qui tu es. Tu es plus forte que "The Mental" - tu es une personne capable, et voilà! Après plusieurs obstacles dans ta vie, tu n'a non seulement surmonter ces obstacles, tu a fais preuve que ces obstacles ne sont pas vainquant! Tu es capable! Tu es forte! Tu es magnifique!!


BRAVO!!

[IronGoddess]

What an inspiring race report. Thanks for sharing your struggle and success!!

[Jwolf]

Very inspiring, Kelodie. Congratulations.

[Tori]

Congrats Claudie! What a great way to start your birthday off.

[DougG]

What a great report, Claudie I am so happy for you and so very proud of you. You showed a lot of courage and determination yesterday.
Way to go!

[SuperboB]

Awesome run, Claudie! So happy for you!

[La]

I'm proud of you! But more importantly, I get the feeling that you are proud of yourself! Bravo!

[abirdd]

Claudie - I know The Mental has plagued you this year, and you've fought it each and every time. I'm a firm believer the best gifts in life are not given to us, but discovered within. May the solace you found on course yesterday be the start of a new, incredible journey. I can't wait to see what 2012 holds for you

[Hammie]

Congrats - it's great to hear the positivity in your report, especially after so many challenges. And happy birthday!

[jes]

Excellent Claudie! Very, very proud of you!!

[AndyM]

Awe congratulations Kelodie! I had no idea that you'd gone through so much the past few years. So glad that you are turning a corner in the right direction. You kicked butt!

[eme]

Congratulations on a great race

[Stampie]

What a great race report and very inspiring, thank-you for sharing your thought with us Kelodie. Congratulations on a great race and executing it to perfection! And on your Birthday, well done & bravo!

[Double Bellybuster]

Well done!